Monday, 30 January 2017

Sunday Solo!

Hello blog lovers.
My mum.  

With the Paddock Wood Half Marathon coming up in a couple of months I really need to start to push out the miles.  NaggyNeighbough is on a mission, she is doing some crazy ultra marathon around the Isle of White.  Wendymoo has upped and left us to go oop north, and all the other marathoners are way to fast for me to tag along with.  And besides, they have probably all started first thing this morning! I start my training after church.  It's always good to start on long runs with His words in your mind first!  I doubt it will make me any quicker, or even easier!

I got myself ready and looked out of the patio window and saw that it was wet, yucky, horrid rain!  It was so not motivating.  I wanted to do my longest run for this year too.  I wanted to run for at least 6 miles today, not speedy, but then of course I wouldn't, would I.  I need to start to build up the miles slowly, in readiness for the 13.1 miles I have to do in the beginning of April. Only a month to go!  I already feel woefully unprepared!

I set off up Farringdon Avenue, along Oxhawth and Southborough Lane.  I felt ok, not perfect, but ok.  There will soon be a rest day coming up soon.  I didn't complete my challenged of 31 activities for this month, but I think with just a couple more days to do, doing over 70 miles this month is not too bad for me!  The run up to the A21 went ok, I had to stop to cross roads but I did it. It wasn't pretty, it was faster bits, and slower bits.  I need to just keep it nice and steady!  The first two miles though, I was just trying to get as far away from any short cuts home!  The rain wasn't too bad, it was just heavy mist really, but I still felt soggy and still not very inspired.  Those two miles did not pass all of the short cuts.  Now I had to switch my brain off, just look up the road and see how I go! I didn't want to think about the three or four shortcuts that I will be passing.  Once I get to the bus garage, pass Mc'D's then there is no turning back!

I ran, walked, jogged and nagged myself to just get pass those roads.  Once I started on the ascent to Locksbottom then the thoughts started coming.

Why am I out here running in the rain?
You know who would be so proud of me right now?
How did I get to this point in my life?
You know who I would like to tell right now, all about this!?
How long have I been running for?

This answer to all of this is 'Mum!'  My mum, Why am I running, well that's simple, because I have worked so hard since my mum died. My mum would be so proud right now, she'd think I was daft as a brush as well! How did I get to here, because I just wanted to do something to remember my mum, or my sister did, Bims. Blimey, that was a day, all twenty or so of us, dressed in Pink, Tracy was there too! I would so love to have a conversation with her right now, instead of putting it all down in this blog. How long have I been running for, well that's easy, 9 years!  It was 9 years ago that we started training for our very first 5k run.....which we all walked by the way. 9 years of missing her.  9 years and 2 months since she left us.  Still hurts like fuck!
Race For Life 2008

You can imagine what I was like as I tried to run up hill on the A21!  I was just a mess, I mean I lost it, I had a complete meltdown, sobbed like a baby!  I couldn't run!  I knew that I just had to let it out, so I sobbed, loudly!  After a few minutes I managed to pull myself together and got going again.  Running and walking, running and walking and that was pretty much the way for the rest of my run!  I tried to figure out why I kept walking, was I tired? Well yes, but I can still keep going. Does it hurt? Well, no, not really, a little twinge on my back, but that happens when I walk or sit as well. Lazy? No I refuse to believe that, after all I am out here running in the pissing rain!  So that was it, I talked myself out of a beating.  My conclusion was that at least I am out here.  I am never going to be the fastest running in PWR, I will probably always only ever lead group 1, with maybe an attempt to lead group 2, in an absolute emergency, which I will lead from the middle!  But I am still here.  Nine years after my mum died, nine years after I had a reason to keep on going.  I was still here.  I can think about my mum when I am running, I can cry when it's necessary, and I can give thanks that I had the most beautiful mum in the whole world, who gave us all brothers and sisters to support and care for each other!  And I can continue running, because I know that I am not going to stop.  Slow, or slower, I will always run for as long as I can!

The last bit of the run, I started to 'feel' better, my running didn't get any better though, but at least I was still running.  I think 13:30 m/mi is not a bad pace for an old ex-couch potato really.  No need to beat myself up.  I ran up to the place where I started my Garmin in the first place and switched it off!  That split second that I was looking at it I noticed the distance!  6.98 miles!  Stuff that, I am not going to stop my run on that!  I just had to run pass NaggyNeighbour's house and the next neighbours house and boom!  Done it!  7 miles!  Considering I only planned to do 6 miles today I was very pleased with that, so definitely no telling off!

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